baby the great

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Amsterdam summer and wordpress futures

People. The weather in Holland since I got back has been on 10 million billion trillion. I don’t know what’s happening, but after almost 4 years, this is my first summer y’all! I’m hella hecka hyped. I’ve been outdoors for hours just baking/roasting/broiling in the sun. The sun is hot here even when it’s 75F, so when it’s 90F? Good God Almiiiightay! IT’S HOT YALL.

I’ve been taking Seiji to the pool, the park, super long walks. Whatever we can after he wakes from his morning naps. Sometimes we don’t come home until evening. We’ve been terrible and eating ice-cream for dinner. With fresh fruits and chia seeds on top. It’s been great. 

Oh and I brought my Brooklyn attitude back with me. I am cute out in these streets! Maybe I was severely lacking vitamin D. Maybe my supplement isn’t doing it for me. I am feeling so much better with all this light and sun on me. 

So.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past few months. I like the community here on tumblr, now that I’ve found one and I don’t want to feel like I’m abandoning it. I’m not abandoning you guys! You are such a part of my parent-village and I dig you guys. I just have bigger dreams and control issues so I’m moving to wordpress soon. I’ll still be here and now I can use tumblr in the way it’s intended, but didn’t want to because, control issues. 

Don’t think I’m jumping ship, guys. I would LOVE you (and need, family) to follow along there. I’ll post here when I’ve written something. I was all I love what other people are saying here but I don’t always have a chance to sit and write like I want to and my posts would disappear if I reblogged everyone all the time..ahh! This is me fixing that and expanding on what I want to do in the future. I’m excited for the future. Feeling recharged from the soul on out is IMPORTANT, Y’ALL. 

PS I’m working on something else, totally related but totally not and also can’t wait to share that with you. Support is paramount, family. Ahh, I’m feeling good, feeling great. 

I am not superwoman. My mother is not superwoman. My mother’s mother is not superwoman. I am, we are, soft. Can shatter. Crumble in your hands. Our survival does not mean we prosper. We are like other women but unlike them. So do not tell us we can handle anything. We only seem like superwoman, a figment of your imagination, because you have forced our lives to be perpetual labor with only seconds of relief. If we carry the world on our shoulders and the children on our backs, what are we but your glorified mules slapped with guilt praises of perseverance and strength. Our bones and our blood and our sweat have built the wealth of nations. Our burial should not be the first time we rest.

Yasmin Mohamed Yonis (via ethiopienne)

Yes to all of it

Brooklyn beauty

I felt prettier in Brooklyn. Tremendously so. Obviously some of it had to do with me getting my hair done for the first time since having my son. Also getting my brows threaded professionally, getting a real mani/pedi etc. 

I felt strange. Looking at myself maintained made me a bit uncomfortable. I am so used to being outwardly together. I started getting manis, pedis and brows done when I was 16. Not because someone said I must, but because I wanted it done. So I did it. Also, especially since becoming a mom my self neglect was going through the roof. I’ve had to learn how to do a lot of my own self grooming in Amsterdam since I refuse to pay what they charge here, but it’s never the same.

The weirdness left me reeling. I absolutely needed to get away. I needed the distance from my reality and most of what came with it to snap me out of this funk. I am fly. Incredibly fly. Why am I allowing myself to feel and appear so low? My mood always felt crumby and when I got to New York, it all seemed to fade away. Being around my family helped a ton. Being in my house was good. Mainly for the bathroom. Ahh, bathtubs I shall never forsake thee.

Seeing all parts of New York and taking the buses and trains. It all helped to remind me of me. My mood was boosted and my confidence sprung anew as well. I had some really good conversations with friends and my mom that left me feeling more complete. I realized how much I allow the excuse of time zones dictate my relationship strength. I have so much quality back home.

While I was in NY, during one of his longest naps on the nicest days, I took this photo of myself. I commented on how strange it feels to say that I feel pretty here. I hadn’t purchased anything new. All of a sudden I felt fine wearing skirts and sandals. In that moment I promised myself that when I return to Holland I’m taking care of myself. All the time. I’m making it a priority since the other option always turns to neglect. 

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